D & D’s Birth Story - 1st baby

Tuesday 4th August

I woke up at 4am on Monday 3rd August needing to go to the loo which, despite being 39+5, was unusual for me as I hadn’t been one to get up at night and use the loo at all during my pregnancy. I got up and went to the loo and realised that my waters had broken I went to wake my husband D to tell him. I called triage who contacted the homebirth team and I spoke to them and arranged for someone to come and see me at the end of her shift. D and I were a bit weirded out (!) knowing that we could have a baby at any point, and I felt a bit strange knowing that if labour hadn’t commenced within 24 hours of my waters breaking, then interventions would begin to be offered.

Despite it being early, D sprung into action getting the living room ready for labour - laying down sheets, getting all clean towels ready, putting hospital bags by the door and fully inflating the birth pool.

Jess from the homebirth team came to visit around 7am and we discussed the process from here. I had some loose ends to tie up at work so logged in as usual and kept myself busy/distracted and managed to get all of my outstanding invoices out to clients! D dropped the dog off with his usual trainer and also got on with his working day.

The homebirth team were regularly in touch via WhatsApp, checking on progress of labour which made me feel very reassured although I had little to update them on during the day. I took myself for regular lie-downs and actually re-read the labour and birth chapters of both of the books I had been reading to prepare.

I started to get cramping in the afternoon - say around 4pm - which felt just like period pain. By 7.30pm, the cramps were a bit more intense and I started to time their frequency as well as their duration, but from a pain standpoint they were nothing I couldn’t easily breathe through. I sat on the yoga ball and watched TV to distract myself. I felt a little nauseous although tried to eat some dinner to make sure I had enough energy for labour itself. As contractions became more frequent and longer in duration, D sat behind me and rubbed my back through them. I moved off my yoga ball as the contractions became more and more intense and got into a kneeling, and sometimes standing, position leaning over the sofa. At this point, D took over monitoring of duration/frequency of contractions as well as taking over communications with midwives and our wonderful doula, Alex.

By about 10.30pm, contractions were in full swing - the TV was turned off and music was turned on (I opted for some deep house to get me through a late night of labouring!) D messaged the homebirth team and Alex and asked both to come to the house. The first midwife arrived at around 10.45pm and Alex arrived shortly after. To this point, I hadn’t really used any pain relief techniques so Alex hooked up the tens machine and gave me a spiky ball to hold. I think the tens machine would have been a great distraction technique earlier in labour but being honest, by the time I was hooked up to it, I could barely feel it and the contraction pain far outstripped the tens machine pain.

I focused on my breathing and was able to breathe consciously and deliberately through my pre-pushing contractions (with a few reminders from Alex!). 90 second contractions move on fairly quickly when you are just counting to 8 or 9 - a 4 second inhale and 6 second exhale being 1 breath.  For me at least, each contraction had a peak in the middle - so I knew that after 4 or so breaths the pain would start to subside and lead into full rest. I tried to keep focus on my breathing even during the rest to make sure I was in the zone and ready for the next contraction. I remember reading something which said 50-70% of labour is just resting (ie the time that you are not contracting) and frankly this idea and the fact that rest was incoming massively helped me to get through the tougher pushing parts of labour.

D and Alex then filled up the birthing pool and the second midwife arrived. Whilst they were doing that I started to feel extremely nauseous - D passed me a bucket and I vomited between contractions. At the time, this really felt like something I didn’t need to add to my load (!), but afterwards I felt SO much better and all the low level nausea I had been feeling for the previous few hours just disappeared. By midnight, I felt the urge to start pushing and so got into the birth pool.

I knelt in the pool, leaning on the side for support and holding (and squeezing!) both of D’s hands. Only afterwards did I realise how painful that was for him because I still had the spiky ball in the middle of my left hand and was squeezing that into the back of his hand and arm during contractions! My eyes were closed for the majority of my contractions, so at one point when reaching for his hand I almost managed to gouge his eye out as well…

Pushing contractions became more and more painful and they were hitting me on the front and back at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but I was convinced I could FEEL that I was fully dilated (although I had no examinations to confirm that at this point), but it also frustratingly felt like I wasn’t actually making progress with birth - instead, I was just getting huge pain in my back and overwhelming pressure in my bum, which I now realise is because this baby boy wasn’t quite in the right position.

After about an hour of pushing, the midwives recommended we try gas and air for the pain. I was hesitant because I’d heard it could make you feel nauseous and I’d already had a fun time with nausea during labour… but I agreed to try. I’m not actually convinced it relieved pain, but what it did do was distract me and force me to keep focusing on my breathing. As part of my birth prep, I had read an analogy about a baby being in a warm jacuzzi (the womb) and then being forcibly removed from that spa like sanctuary with a lot of force and stress. So, despite almost 2 hours of kneeling and pushing in the pool feeling as though it wasn’t getting me anywhere, I wanted to make sure I stayed as calm as possible to avoid baby from getting stressed and to help make his ejection from the spa as tranquil as I could! So being able to properly focus on my breath by using gas and air was definitely the right move in terms of keeping both me and baby calm.

At this point (now around 2am), the midwives suggested it probably made sense to actually check how dilated I was so we could decide where to go from there. With a little bit of help (!) I managed to get out of the pool to lie on the sofa - the good news was that I was fully dilated, but the bad news was that baby had done his first poo in my waters. Sometimes a sign of distress, but as baby’s heartrate seemed relatively steady, I just decided this was, instead, a sign that he was close to being here and was ready to arrive!

Because of the meconium the midwives were now keen to get him out as soon as possible. I’m grateful I was at home at this point as midwives had also realised baby was back to back… had I been in hospital, I’d have been sent up to the labour ward and doctors would have intervened. Naively, I knew very little about back to back births (other than the fact they were not as optimal as front to back ones) and I think, in this case, ignorance was bliss and I was able to just keep focusing on pushing without thinking about any other repercussions. I stayed on the sofa and moved onto my left side which was a far more comfortable position overall and took a lot of pressure out of my back.

Pushing continued for another hour. This time I tapped into a different visual of me and baby working together to get him out - he was doing his bit inside but could only arrive if I actually did my bit outside! So I really leant into the pushing and just went with the noises and the screaming that were somehow coming out of my mouth… Fortunately we had pre-warned our neighbours that we would be having a homebirth so they wouldn’t think I was being murdered…!

At about 2.45am, the midwives decided to call an ambulance given the meconium risk. I stayed calm, safe in the knowledge that there was almost no way I was going to actually get in the ambulance if it arrived. I felt so, so close to giving birth and I was convinced it would happen imminently. The paramedics arrived - fortunately I didn’t see as there were 6 of them in our hallway (!), but the next thing I know, the baby is crowning - the midwife told me to reach down and touch my baby’s head, which I did and which gave me insane motivation.

Meanwhile, D then started doing the diligent thing of asking practical questions re. when he should go and get our hospital bags and when we need to make the decision to go etc. I am literally lying there wondering HOW ON EARTH I am meant to get into an ambulance with a baby’s head crowning between my legs, so I just said ‘We are not going to the hospital!’. Next contraction, one huge push, and baby’s head was out. Contraction after, another mammoth push, and baby’s body was out! Clearly the threat of the hospital was all the motivation I needed!

Baby boy was born at 3.06am at home, just as planned, weighing 7Ib, 1oz (3.2kg).

The midwives scooped him up and put him straight on my chest - I thought I would be overly emotional at this point but honestly I was just so relieved for a healthy baby and was so happy he had arrived safely that I just felt so content in that moment. Meanwhile, we went ahead with delayed cord clamping and D cut it once it had gone white and stopped pulsating.

I knew the only thing left was delivering the placenta - this is really the only part of the story that deviates from our actual birth plan. I had intended to birth it naturally, but I was truthfully so exhausted at this point (given the nausea, I hadn’t eaten anything that actually stayed digested for over 14 hours despite Alex’s best efforts!) that I asked for the injection. The next thing I know, the placenta is out and the midwives are giving us a full show and tell! It now lives happily in our freezer..!

Somehow I ended up with no rips or tears and only needed 1 small stitch and had limited blood loss - I am eternally grateful for whoever or whatever was looking out for me that day.

Once the midwives packed up, D had some more skin to skin, Alex helped me take a shower and get changed, helped get baby ready for a sleep and just generally helped prolong the golden hour period for us by keeping things calm and quiet whilst we got into bed ready to face our first morning as parents!

Whilst my labour wasn’t the simplest in that baby was back to back, our birth really couldn’t have gone better, or have been more true to our birth plan, if we’d tried. Labour was short (active labour and pushing was probably only 6-7 hours), baby was born safely without interventions and without pain relief, I had no tears or need for stitches, blood loss was limited and we got to do it at home, in my safe space.

D was an unreal birth partner, keeping me calm and motivated throughout and not complaining about the squeezing and bruising!  And I am super grateful for the midwives and to Alex for supporting me and for allowing me to navigate what could have been a very difficult birth. I felt like an actual superhero afterwards and am so proud of myself for being able to bring baby into the world that way.